His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
