I didn't shave. On purpose
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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