I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
