i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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