and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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