I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
