I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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