You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
