I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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