I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
