I heard we made out
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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