She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
