She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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