Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
