And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Boobs are out for the taking
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
