K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
