That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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