nut hugger
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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