the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
