I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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