My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Boobs speak an international language.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
