just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
