it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
