oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
