i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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