i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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