He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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