somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
