So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
