i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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