We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
