Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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