I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
