Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
