i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
