there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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