Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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