He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize