The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
