The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
