my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
