He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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