I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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