yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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