gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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