Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
