I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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