Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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