Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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