Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
