I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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