you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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