Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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