...so i touched it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
