There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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