Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
