Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
