How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
