i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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