i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
