Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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