pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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