he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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