definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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