Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize