Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
