i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
