It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
