Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
