I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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