Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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